Rising std rate sparks online dating sites
Stay away from such terms as “anal grooming,” “whackin’ it to the Gilmore Girls,” and “excitedly discussing the latest Apple tablet rumor.” Girls seeking some wang on the Web like a guy who can take himself down a notch, Ok Cupid attests.As such, words like “sorry,” “apologize,” and “awkward” are among the top reply-getting phrases seen in opening messages.The site looked at what it calls “first contact” — you know, the online equivalent of walking up to a girl and trying not to make an ass of yourself. The worst bastardized expressions you can use in an opening message, according to Ok Cupid: It’s okay to giggle when trying to get to know someone online, Ok Cupid says; in fact, it may actually help you get into their pants.Ok Cupid found some consistent trends with which types of approaches elicit positive responses, and which elicit not-so-friendly “fuck offs.” We’ve broken down the data into seven simple rules that, if followed precisely, are guaranteed to get you more tail than you’d find in the giraffe section of your local zoo. Certain kinds of online laugh expressions seem to work better than others.Specifically, Ok Cupid says “haha” results in a 45-percent reply rate, while “lol” boasts a 41-percent rate of response.Not as lucky: “hehe,” to which only 33 percent of people respond; “guffaw,” to which only 87-year-old fans of the Howdy Doody Show respond; and “ho ho,” to which only Snoop Dogg’s biznows reply.Some suggested ways to work those into your conversation: “I’m sorry that I never make mistakes; it must make you feel inadequate.” “I rarely apologize after intercoursing someone thoroughly.” “Despite what most people say, my willy is not at all awkward-looking.” The final finding of Ok Cupid’s report involves religion — or, more specifically, the lack of it.The online dating experts say messages discussing atheism tend to have the highest reply rates, while messages involving the word “God” tend to get tossed right into the recycle bin.
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More inventive greetings such as “how’s it going,” “what’s up,” and “howdy” fare better, the research finds.
“Top o’ the mornin'” and “aye aye, matey” would both likely be off the charts, were anyone wise enough to try them.
Of course, if you can manage to use the word “God” while following all the other rules, you should be in the clear.
Let’s attempt to put everything we’ve learned together while going out on a limb and including that God reference. Oh God, would you be sorry if you didn’t say howdy to me in a sexual fashion (LOL!