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According to a study by The Times sex columnnist Suzy Godson of married couples aged 36-55, 44 per cent had sex weekly, 32 had sex monthly, 11 per cent had sex annually, 9 per cent never have sex and 4 per cent had sex every day. How are you (or your partner) going to cope when you haven't had sex for months or years (even if voluntarily) and you know having your appetite reawakened means nothing because the bored-with-sex partner at home, hasn't had the same experience. But if you honestly think that'll be greeted with a yawn, disapproving frown and 'I thought we discussed we weren't doing that anymore' sniff, next time you might well opt to chat up the dishy waiter. Or that guy on the bus who you've started chatting to lately, feeling an oddly familiar stirring below as you do so.
You're away on a business trip, working late and eating in the hotel restaurant, and the friendly, attractive waiter leans forward to clear your food away and you get a whiff of his aftershave and out of nowhere, suddenly you remember and all those memories of hot, frantic, fabulous sex rush back at alarming speed. Yes, you could try racing home and saying 'Honey, I remember how great sex was! So if your excuse for not 'doing it' is simply that neither of you feel like it anymore because you've been together 'forever' and it seems like 'such an effort' and you'd both 'really honestly watch telly together', perhaps you might like to have a little rethink.
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"It's so easy to get caught up with the excitement of your sex life," says Castellanos, "that most people don't stop to think about how children will affect their sex life." By asking what your significant other thinks will change post-children, you can "explore such issues as whether you think you will be distracted or inhibited, whether you think that being a parent takes away your sexiness and sexual vitality, and also how best to develop a strategy to separate the physical demands of being a mommy from the sexual touch of a partner," she says.
Bear in mind that people may vary from these norms.
But women will only do it if the candles are scented just right -- and their partner has done the dishes first. It's common wisdom that women place more value on emotional connection as a spark of sexual desire.
Study after study shows that men's sex drives are not only stronger than women's, but much more straightforward.
As men and women age, each fantasize less, but men still fantasize about twice as often.
In a survey of studies comparing male and female sex drives, Roy Baumeister, a social psychologist at Florida State University, found that men reported more spontaneous sexual arousal and had more frequent and varied fantasies.