Best dating joke ever

On the note card is a word, and the woman has to ask questions to guess what the word is, and the guy can only answer yes or no. " And the guy picks up the note card and he's looking at the word on the note card, and he can't believe it because the word is The woman starts asking questions: "Um... Thinking his microphone is off, the pilot then mumbles to himself, "I'd love a blowjob and a cup of coffee." Of course the passengers hear this, so one of the female flight attendants rushes toward the cockpit to let the captain know his mic is still on. " And the string goes, "No, I'm a frayed knot." —Kumail Nanjiani A guy's driving down an old country road and he sees a farmer in his orchard feeding his pigs, but what he's doing is he's taking one pig at a time, holding him up, letting him eat an apple out of the tree, and then setting him down before picking up another pig and letting him eat an apple.

As she runs up the aisle, one of the male passengers yells out, "Don't forget the coffee." —Sebastian Maniscalco By Mitch Hedberg: I'm sick of following my dreams—I'm just going to ask them where they are going and hook up with them later. So the guy pulls over and walks up to the farmer and he says, "Wouldn't it save time to just knock all the apples on the ground and let the pigs eat them all at once?

—Natasha Leggero A guy walks into a convenience store, and he grabs a single-serving meal, a single-serving drink, a single-serving toothpaste, a single-serving dessert, single-serving everything, and he goes up to the counter with it and the woman at the counter says, "Let me guess, you're single? " And she says, "Because you're really fucking ugly." —Rory ScovelA string and his friends walk into a bar, and the string goes up to get a drink and the bartender says, "We don't serve strings here." So the string ties himself in a loop and does up the top of his head and then goes up to the bar, and the bartender goes, "Uh . " And the farmer, confused, looks at him and says, "What's time to a pig?

Check out THE best online dating profile ever: I’m an ***hole.

Husband: Why don’t you just rub toilet paper on your nipples.

best dating joke ever-54best dating joke ever-78

It was great to see that he was much more than just a funny, goof, who only knew how to banter.

" Little guy says, "All right, paint all of the horse's legs green, she'll talk to you." Big guys says, "All right.

I do that, you better be right." So he paints all four of the horse's legs green, and she comes out in an even more beautiful riding outfit, she looks amazing, she goes for a ride, comes back, goes in the house, doesn't say a word.

—Phoebe Robinson A joke written by my friend and writing partner, Ahamefule Oluo: What do you call Neil de Grasse Tyson pouring champagne all over his naked chest? K.'s joke about how you could tell how bad of a person you were by how long it took you after 9/11 to masturbate—for him it was between the first building going down and the second tower going down. He had a joke: The other day I got out of the car and this little boy was walking by.

I no longer have to grow them in my closet under my weed lamp.

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